Friday, June 18, 2010

big bad fear

Fear has held me back for to long. Its restrained my voice, my creativity and who I am. It has kept me awake at night, and frustrated during the day. Enough is enough. 

I started this blog over a year ago. I had a few posts here and there and then stopped. I deleted everything and started again a few months ago....and didn't get past 2 posts. And yet, i have been desperately seeking an outlet/ release, yearning to reach out. You see, two years ago I got married, moved to a new country and found myself unable to work. Despite having so much to say it hurt, so many emotions I needed to express, every time I tried to write I froze up (even now I had to have a glass {or 2} before I could write). I became almost consumed with fear and self doubt. What could I write about that anyone would want to hear? I felt too ashamed and embarassed by all of the pain, doubts and uncertanities caused by my failures. I felt I had nothing original to say and no pretty pictures to share. I lost myself somewhere along the way and while I wish I was someone who could use writing and blogging to rediscover herself, I was sadly not (yet) that person. I had to go it alone. I needed to be scared, to be upset and lonely. To feel lost and broken. To feel unworthy, not good enough and selfish. 

I needed to feel it all, to become so overwhelmed by it that I had no choice but to face my fears or cower beneath them. I don't know about you, but I am not one to cower.  So while it's taken me awhile, I'm ready.  Ready to share my story, my hopes and dreams, my expat adventures in the Emerald Isle, and most importantly I'd like to share my fears and my doubts  because if nothing else, I've learned that those things that scare us the most are the ones worth sharing. Because life is not meant to be traveled alone. 

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...